Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
This Status Update could be yours for six Easy Payments of $19.99
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.