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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
I had your cake and ate it too.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?