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It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?