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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.