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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.