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Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.