Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.