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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
My misery likes tequila, not company.