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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.