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Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"