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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.