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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Don`t waste my timeline.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.