Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2