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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
My life is just one long improvisation.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
when in Rome get naked ;)