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I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I was born at a very early age.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.