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They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.