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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"