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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.