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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
´s status message is better than yours
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?