Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I look so young for my rage.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.