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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!