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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?