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Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life