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They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.