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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.