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Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone`s food pics and posting the calories.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
is in no shape to exercise
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.