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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.