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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...