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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.