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“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.