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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.