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PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.