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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.