Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.