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Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.
You had me at 0 mutual friends