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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
There`s no WE in pizza.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?