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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
No pants are the best pants.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!