Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.