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Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.