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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?