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It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.