Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.