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I order all my food with extra gluten.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.