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To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.