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I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Serving size ?? LMAO