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Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-