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You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted