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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.