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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
Just once Iād like to learn something the easy way.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume