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There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.