Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...