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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.