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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.