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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!