Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
u cant spell awesome without me
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.