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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.