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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?