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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.