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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
only 9530 days until retirement.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."