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At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
take me drunk i`m home
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
Without coffee, Iām just a really tall 2 year old.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.