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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Does the Food Network deliver?
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.