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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.