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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.