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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.