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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
I should come with a warning label.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Chip clips are for quitters.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.