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Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.