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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.