Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.