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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?