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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.