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Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
I am hungry 25 hours a day
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF