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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.