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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.