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If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?