Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.