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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.