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FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.