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My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.