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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.