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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.