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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.