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This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
It’s a status….not your diary…
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?