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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".