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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!